Zombies Invade Jacksonville-Ham on Wry Award of the Week

According to Billie Tucker, founder of the First Coast Tea Party, Jacksonville has experienced the first-ever attack of zombies in Florida's history.  As 2012 approaches, Floridians should prepare for the end of days, because zombies evidently appear when political contests have unanticipated results.  On April 17th, Alvin Brown, a Democratic candidate for mayor, scored a major defeat over Republican candidate Mike Hogan, who had strong support from the Tea Party and said he was cast in the mold of Rick Scott.  He might have fared better if he hadn't aligned himself with Scott, who has disappoinged many of the people who voted for him in signing unpopular bills into law.  Brown's victory is made all the more amazing because Jacksonville is staunchly conservative, yet they elected a black candidate.  Finally, voters chose a candidate with sound ideas to promote job creation and hold taxes to their present level rather than a candidate whose rallying cry was "No!"

Back to the zombies.  Tucker wrote the following words in one of her e-mails: "an invasion of body snatchers is occurring all over town.”  What was Billie's answer to winning the war against these zombies?  “PRAY. Zombies hate people who pray… They are in bondage and don’t know what they do.  Pray they will be released from the cords of bondage that bind them and will join our ranks of Conservative Citizens who love our city, state and country.”  Unfortunately, the zombies must have thwarted the Tea Party's efforts to halt their onslaught and are probably lurking somewhere in a deserted area along I-95, waiting for the next election.

I don't live in Jacksonville, so I did not personally witness the zombie scare, but I do find it interesting that Tucker asserts they are to blame for Hogan's defeat.  I'm certain she must be right because the Republican party has done so much for its citizens this year, no other possible reason could explain the upset.  We are quite excited that they have limited early voting, the ease of registering new voters, eliminated growth laws established for our protection in 1985, and allowed insurance companies to raise rates to an astromonical level while limiting the definition of sinkholes to decrease the number of claims.  Yes.  Living in Florida allows for an interesting lifestyle--one that will now iinclude zombies as next door neighbors, if Tucker's assessment is correct.  What's next?  Vampires, werewolves, Frankenstein monsters, aliens, sea creatures that have morphed into killing machines from nuclear waste and oil spills?   Congratulations, Bille Tucker.  You and the parade of zombies win the Ham on Wry award this week.